polyfetishist

Looking for BDSM in Durham, NC.

2007-10-02T22:17:55Z

I think we both knew it would happen. She lives in the UK. I in North Carolina.

For three years we alternated 90 days together and three or more months apart.

We’ve both accepted it is best we end our love affair and seek partners locally. But we will remain good friends.

I’m not foolish enough to rush into the search for someone or ones to play with or have an even deeper involvement with. Best I relax and make sure my mind and heart are whole.

Then I can begin a search for a male, female, transgender sadist, dominant, top hereabouts in central North Carolina.

I'm documenting my feelings about this forthcoming search here: In Search Of

BDSM Labels

2007-09-24T10:20:55Z

As a person with atypical, fluid sexuality that can redefine itself whenever it takes mind to I can understand people’s problem with labels.

To me a sexual or affectional label is a guidepost or pointer. For some people it expresses not only an orientation but a limitation. E.g., a truly monosexual person will not explore bisexuality.

Dominant and submissive are pretty good words (I’ve come to like top and bottom better because they seem less encrusted with nonsense and are easily amplified with adjectives). Someone who uses either word is interested in power exchange. They give a starting point for dialogue or discussing a relationship or play scene.

The famous cliché is that the map is not the territory. And the person is not the label. One can only guess how much time has been wasted with people investing their biases, assumptions and expectations in their response to a person who uses the label that says the other is on the opposite of the power exchange.

Labels are useless without the details. No worthwhile person is a generically dominant or submissive. We each have individual needs, desires and wishes. And to engage in worthwhile and enriching D/s each person much take the time to learn what qualities, expectations, kinks and fetishes the other attaches to those roles.

Most of what is worth pursuing in life is in the particulars. And people ruin their possible pleasures in missing the subtleties that make a person an individual and not something you can buy off the shelf on the store.

On the Floor

2007-06-25T11:21:25Z

Alexandra and I had long wanted the D/s element of our relationship to overlap our more traditional romantic pairing. But I was very skeptical: fearful that mixed signals could lead to hurt feelings.

We finally had a breakthrough.

During her last visit she finally convinced me to sit on the floor some evenings when we were just hanging out. That by doing so I wasn’t inviting her to put the collar on me or whack the heck out of me.

This worked out remarkably well.

We’d talk and play CDs as we always did. But the different interpersonal geometry (as it were) meant I would occasionally drift into submissive emotional space. I might rest my head on her knee or start licking her feet or footwear. Then shift back.

This enabled me to offer more gentle adoration, which was very good for both of us.

It was also a huge compensation for my diminished masochism. Loss of sex drive had greatly compromised my capacity to eroticize pain, limiting one of our greatest pleasures in S&M.( Thankfully this didn’t diminish my D/s needs and feelings.)

More Extensive Play

2007-05-13T19:00:01Z

NB: I rarely post things I've written elsewhere here because I don't want to evoke Google's duplicate content penalty.

For me duration is a barrier that I'd like to push at. For me BDSM has proven to be a part of my romantic life and I'd like to see how many variations we can explore. It is also pure pleasure and there's no shame in wanting more of that. And mind altering - not to lay too much stress on that - and I can't help but wondering what longer experiences would feel like.
A Thought Experiment

But I don't want to discuss this in terms of myself particularly. More as a detached weighing of possibilities.

See Exploring Duration

Howdy

2007-05-02T11:02:31Z

Alexandra has been back from the UK for a little over a month. Sadly much of that time I was sick.

Even well I find my masochism dimmed for some reason. This has made it harder for us to engage in the kind of strenuous play we had in the past. Still we have been having fun: she's been experimenting with different ways of binding me and beating me. Sometimes handling the pain is a real challenge but worth the effort.

For details visit my Down On My Knees

My recently established forum, Fetish Lore has been doing surprisingly well. The quality of conversation is high and every one is civil and helpful.

Fetish Lore Forums

2007-03-06T23:42:55Z

Visit the Fetish Lore forums.

Two Lists About BDSM and Reality

2007-02-20T20:57:12Z

20 Maxims About BDSM

10 Best Things About BDSM

Confusing Safewords & Limits with Controlling the Scene

2007-01-24T20:53:04Z

Curious about kink in pop culture I decided to watch the CSI : Crime Scene Investigations episodes featuring a ProDomme who calls herself Lady Heather.

In the second episode in which she appears, Lady Heather's Box, it is asserted three or four times that the submissive person is the one in control. A baldly naïve statement popular among trolls and outsiders who feel they've arrived at some major insight.

Naturally in consensual sadomasochistic play those of us on the bottom retain the right to set limits and halt acts that frighten us or are unendurable. It is simpleminded to say that being able to say stop is being in control. An employee may demur at performing some particular task but that doesn't make him or her the boss.

BDSM is better understood as a dance, team sport or choose your own metaphor for an endeavor whereby more than one person works to create pleasure and excitement. A shared conspiracy to subvert the ordinary.

Surely I speak for the majority of submissive men and women in saying that control is the last thing we want and will do our honorable best to accept the dominant's will. Nobody wants to use his or her safeword.

Like many beginners I shied away from even having a safeword before I was being selfish and doing Alexandra no favor.

Limits aren't about power but a regrettable bit of risk aware realism.

The Pansexual Polyfetishist Pervert Interview

2006-12-20T21:55:58Z

I'm the current Spotlight Perve at Kink-a-Go-Go:

It seems like if you Google anything fetish you come across, "Down on my Knees," a blog by a self-proclaimed, "Pansexual Polyfetishist : Alexandra's Lover, Pet & Slave," or Richard, if you look hard enough.

Let's Play 20 Questions with the Blogger from Down on my Knees